Thirty-two today

The song below is a year late, but maybe it's right on time...

This time last year a good friend who believes in astrology told me it would be a great year for Capricorns. Like, once-in-a-lifetime great. Now that's the kind of thing I don't think you can see without some distance, but from up close, it didn't hit the mark. I left a job that was kinda driving me crazy for one that drove me completely crazy. I finally quit - and then my partner got laid off. My dad's health issues went from bad to worse. I lost my cell phone and whoever found it used it to make $1400 worth of phone calls to Sri Lanka. Sri. Fucking. Lanka.

So there have been many times this year, even before this song was released, where I felt this way. I really thought I'd have it more together by thirty-one. Or at least be on the road to the magical land of together. I mean, my parents had me by the time they were my age. If I had a baby, I'd probably leave it somewhere. And then someone would send it to Sri Lanka.

On my way home for the holidays, reflecting on 2008, I was listening to this song on the AirTrain at JFK and commiserating. The past week, not so much. A few times at the end of the year, I wondered if maybe, just maybe, the best-year-ever-in-the-stars didn't mean that I got it together this year (clearly didn't), but that this was a turning point year. A plot point, if you will, in the three act structure of my life. That the things that started this year will see me off to wherever I'm headed next. There were a lot of those things. Finally, a great new job. A new home in Brooklyn. Getting help for the anxiety TWO therapists told me I might want to take a look at (and the alcohol I've been drinking to deal with it). Hell, I even volunteered for a candidate who got ELECTED! If that's not a turning point for me...well...

I don't know. I mean, I really don't know if thirty-two will be better than thirty-one. I can't say for sure that it will be. There's some tough road up ahead this year, both for me personally and for all of us. But today, on my thirty-second birthday, I'm hopeful.

Here's to thirty-two.

 

Thirty One Today
by Aimee Mann

Thirty-one today
What a thing to say
Drinking Guinness in the afternoon
Taking shelter in the black cocoon

I thought my life would be different somehow
I thought my life would be better by now
I thought my life would be different somehow
I thought my life would be better by now
But it's not, and I don't know where to turn

Called some guy I knew
Had a drink or two
And we fumbled as the day grew dark
I pretended that I felt a spark

I thought my life would be different somehow
I thought my life would be better by now
I thought my life would be different somehow
I thought my life would be better by now
But it's not, and I don't know where to turn
No, it's not, and I don't know where to turn
No, it's not, and I don't know where to turn

Easter comes and goes
Maybe Jesus knows
So you roll on with the best you can
Getting loaded, watching CNN

I thought my life would be different somehow
I thought my life would be better by now
I thought my life would be different somehow
I thought my life would be better by now
But it's not, and I don't know where to turn
No, it's not, and I don't know where to turn
No, it's not, and I don't know where to turn
No, it's not, and I don't know